"Alright class. In lab yesterday, we dissected the frog. Today, we are going to going to analyze and attempt to classify the North American Saccus Fecalus, or the common sack of shit."
Connections and ContradictionsSwift Boat Veterans for Truth has a web of connections to the Bush family, to high-profile Texas political figures, and President Bush's chief political aide, Karl Rove.
Meanwhile, students in the Basic 20th Century History class are researching the evidence, such as "Military records support Kerry's account of Vietnam service"
Kerry released a stack of his military records - including after-action reports, citations for his medals, boat battle damage reports and his officer efficiency reports. These records - and the military records of at least one of his accusers - cast serious doubt on some of the more inflammatory charges raised by the group.
"You boys in the back need to keep it down and pay attention, or you might want to think about dropping this class. Where was I? Oh yes. Tomorrow's lecture will deal specifically with the abnormal neurological wiring in the brain of habitual liars."
Click here for a side-by-side comparison of publicly available military records of both GW Bush and John Kerry.
Extra Credit Assignment
Students wishing extra credit on this assignment may submit a paper analyzing the biological metaphor cited in the article The Washington Post still doesn’t get it.
WITH ALL DUE respect to the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz, I had to laugh at his 3000-word "We Fucked Up on Iraq" piece that came out last week. In reading it, I was reminded of a scene I once witnessed at the New England Aquarium in Boston, in the aqua-petting-zoo section on the second floor.
The petting pool contained a sea cucumber. Now, anyone who has ever made it through seventh-grade science class knows what a sea cucumber does when threatened. Unfortunately, some parent unleashed a sixth-grader on the pool unattended. The kid started fucking with the sea cucumber, poking and prodding it like crazy. So the sea cucumber pulled out its only defense mechanism, turning itself inside out and showing its nasty guts to the poor kid, who immediately thought he'd killed the thing and ran away crying. Later, when I made another turn through the same area of the aquarium, the cucumber had reconstituted itself and was sitting in its usual log-like position.
It is hard to imagine a better metaphor for these post-invasion auto-crucifixions our papers of record have been giving us lately.
"So, there's your assignment for today. Let's put on those snopes and googles and whatever olfactory protection you brought and get to work. Dissect the saccus fecalis and diagram its anatomy. The output of its life cycle is already well documented. We want to focus on the raw material it uses in its metabolic process and its digestive and reproductive systems. Good luck."
