Those Hilarious Conservatives

Conservatives are so funny! They can say the most outlandish, ridiculous things and not get the laughs they deserve. I think its about time that changed. Americans need to give these people credit for their rich satire and sophisticated humor. Its just one of their humble gifts to our beloved republic.

On Friday, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that Americans "have been tolerant of homosexuality for years, but now it's being stuffed down their throats and they don't like it. They know it will undermine the very foundation of this society, will undermine our understanding of what families are."

"Tolerant of homosexuality for years"?! I had no idea that DeLay lived in San Francisco. And "stuffed down their throats"? Wow, that paints a pretty graphic picture, doesn't it?

In case you don't know who DeLay is, he's the former pest control magnate from Houston whose made his career by being the funniest man in Congress. He's also the guy that called Homeland Security when Texas Democrats went to Oklahoma to block Republican redistricting. What a prankster! That he became a leader in the GOP, let alone an elected official, is a tribute to the infinite wisdom of Republican voters and their party.

Last week, President Bush's chief economic adviser N. Gregory Mankiw wondered aloud whether jobs at McDonald's should be reclassified as manufacturing jobs. "When a fast-food restaurant sells a hamburger, for example, is it providing a 'service' or is it combining inputs to 'manufacture' a product?" What a great idea! Doing so could really help Bush's hysterical record on jobs, too.

A few weeks ago, evangelist and one-time Republican Presidential candidate Pat Robertson said, "I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I'm hearing from the Lord that it's going to be a blowout." Can you see God talking to Pat Robertson? Now that's funny. I could almost wet my pants!

Bruce Miller has edited a new book titled, "Take Them At Their Words: Shocking, Amusing and Baffling Quotations from the G.O.P. and Their Friends, 1994-2004." Here is a humorous comment made by Barbara Bush on Good Morning America:

"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths and how many... It's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"

Stop it, please, you're killing me!